Many people think that meeting the right person for a quality long-lasting relationship is a bit of a lottery, however, we can influence our love life more than we think. We don’t actually meet a lifelong partner — we meet a person that we fall in love with. Building a love relationship takes plenty of time and effort and, by definition, is a process that never ends. Here is a guide to making it happier and more effective.

Step 1. Separate life from romance novels and movies

Love is a real power that rules the world; however, there are a lot of cultural stereotypes and attitudes about love that make it difficult to meet your soulmate in the modern society. The truth is that princes and princesses only live in fairy-tales, while real life offers us ordinary human beings with their faults and imperfections. Love fantasies can even be dangerous if they substitute an intimate relationship with a real person. At some point we need to leave romantic stereotypes behind and explore our real needs and feelings. It does not mean that we cannot find an ideal partner. On the contrary, there are many potential soulmates around, we just need to focus on them, not on our imaginary heroes.

Step 2. Take time to get to know your partner and let them know the true you

In my opinion, the best romantic relationship advice is to be honest and talk to each other. Communication is the key to any type of relationship, especially intimate ones. Your partner and you should create a safe environment where you both can share your thoughts and emotions without fear and judgement. You need to openly discuss any issues and reveal your negative feelings without pointing fingers and making threats. Relationships will not benefit from manipulating. If you disagree or don’t like something, don’t play games but do talk about it right then and there. In a conflict situation, separate facts from feelings and remember that your partner is not the enemy.

Step 3. Use positive reinforcement

To reinforce positively means to reward your partner by encouraging their appropriate behavior and by reducing punishment and criticism. Reinforcement can be made, using active listening skills: smiling, nodding, laughing, maintaining eye contact and affectionately touching. The loving behavior of your partner should never be ignored: notice it and show your gratitude. It helps to build rapport and strengthens connection in a couple. Of course, you should not reward bad and inconsiderate actions. On the flip side, let your partner make mistakes and forgive them if necessary.

There is no universal recipe on how to build love in a relationship. Nevertheless, there is a diversity of methods to build your relationship which you may learn throughout our series of webinars “Happy Relationships in Couples: from A to Z with Naira Velumyan”. Join us, try all these methods and make your love story lasting and successful.